Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
