i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
