You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
