$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
