I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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