you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
