I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
