I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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