I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
