people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
