you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
