a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
