did you get engaged???
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
