I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
