I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
