true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
