every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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