i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
