What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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