So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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