I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
