1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
