but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
