Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
do herpes really smell.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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