i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
