i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
