dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
