Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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