i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
