Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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