my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
