i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
