She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
