i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
