I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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