mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
is that a dick in a sweater?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
