i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
