JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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