what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
