he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
