Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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