3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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