Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
