Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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