but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
