There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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