Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
