Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
