So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
