So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
