i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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